Shel Silverstein has a great poem called 'Whatif'. The poem runs
through various scenarios that keep the author preoccupied, ranging
from the potentially possible to the hilariously hypothetical. While
the bus being late, one's teeth not growing in straight, tearing
one's pants and never learning to dance are all things that could
happen, they aren't worth worrying about. Oh, the what if's--that
Mr. Silverstein doesn't even bother separating into two words in his
poem—creep into my brain, too. Whatif we don't raise enough for
our salary? Whatif we don't raise what we need to get to missionary
training ($14, 000 in the next month)? Whatif we are .not the
perfect missionary family? Whatif I am too stressed to consider the
feelings of my kids? Whatif..whatif...whatif....
I saw a post on Facebook that had a little girl with delicate
wings possibly made by her own hands apparently wonder to someone she
trusts, “But what if I fall? The trusted person seems to quickly
respond, “Oh, darling, but what if you FLY?” Every time I see
that post I am almost moved to tears. What (exaggerated space) IF
I fly after taking this chance??? What if enough is raised?
What if MORE is raised? What if I surrender my
mothering fears to the LORD? What if I fully rely on God
and see His miraculous character and allow that to revolutionize my
life????
Ultimately, I truly do not want to 'wish away' any of this time of
my life. Man, I wish my three small children were older so I
wouldn't have to worry about them tearing up the house we are staying
in while on homestay. Wow, I wish that we didn't have to scrounge up
our own salary to do really cool work in the Dominican Republic.
Golly, sure wish we weren't living in a four-month transition time
with a family of five.
All these experiences have within them countless ways God can
shine, reveal Himself, grow us, refine us, strengthen us IF our time
is not spent wishing it away. Like Jonah pouting on the mountainside
when he would have preferred a different outcome for Nineveh, I can
have a tendency to miss the joy because of selfishness.
Clearly having the children at all is a total blessing—even at
the moments when they shred the Hunger Games poster on the door of
the college-aged girl's room you are staying in for the next weeks.
Or as I try to write this blog in just under 6.5 hours! :)
Obviously an 'easy' paycheck is, well, easier, but what I am
learning about surrender, reliance, praying big is incredible. Plus,
the chance to have people choose to partner with the work of Makarios
and financially get behind our family is profoundly humbling.
Fortunately, we have within this four-month opportunity to have
our family bonds strengthened and learn more intimately what makes
each family member tick. We are afforded the opportunity to be each
other's emotional support as we work through having no home to call
our own right now. This is a wonderful thing for our family.
The whatif's may still sneak in. The wishing away of challenges
may still occupy some of my emotional space, BUT I ask the LORD to
make the Truth be louder. 'My grace is sufficient for you.' 'I have
a plan for you.' 'My God will supply all your needs.' 'Come to me all
you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.' He has
green pastures for me to rest in. He has straight paths for me to
walk in. Even in the challenges. Even in the dark spots. Even in
the seemingly confusing times. Even with a young family. Even in
the midst of fundraising. Even in the transition period.
Of course, you can directly encourage us in the whatif's by
donating to our family at https://makarios.webconnex.com/missionary.
Please consider making a dent toward our missionary training through
a year-end giving and/or joining our monthly supporter team.
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